The Wank Of The Fleet Harry Potter [SPOILERS FOR BOOK 6]

[Will Frank]

Well, the sixth Harry Potter book came out, and with it about a dozen
ships died. This is my tribute--after some spoiler space, of course.































The Wank Of The Fleet Harry Potter
by Will "scifantasy" Frank
ttto: "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot

The legend lives on from Livejournal on down
Of the fleet of ships for Harry Potter
The fans, so we hear, grow by bounds every year
And the ship wars grow hotter and hotter
With the legions of fans who were wringing their hands
'Cause about the next book they were thinking
Well it finally came out, and they let out a shout
Then a lot of the ships started sinking

The ships were all manned though a few had been banned
And a good many more made folks squicky
Well they all read the books and then got dirty looks
Because Rowling had written quite tricky
Many shippers were pissed and a few felt quite dissed
As their ships all fell into the water
Then the wailing began, from the mouths of the fans
On the ships of the fleet Harry Potter

Well all Girl!Blaise ships died and the slashers all cried
When the "Wolfstar" and "Dreamy" hit bottom
And the "Fire And Ice" sailors didn't think twice
But the iceberg of plot is what got 'em
Oh, the "Loonies and Lions" collapsed from inside
And the "Pumpkin Pie's" rats all are leaving
And one big ship to go was the "Prudence & Po-
Tions" when Severus turned out to be evil

Well a few ships got far but they fell ever harder
When a plot complication struck home
Like the "Strawberry Tart" with the jealousy part
But a love potion trick sent it going
Well, the "Neon," we thought, would be part of the plot
Though it technically still would be listing
But the dream quickly broke since it all was a joke
When she changed who it was she was missing

Coming into the lead and still gaining more speed
Well the old "Orange Crush" flags were flyin'
And the "Good Ship H/R" followed close but still far
While the "Government" seemed to be tryin'
The adult ships don't get much attention, I bet
Grownups' lives are not always what we see
But the two ships we saw left the readers in awe
"Fang And Flora" and old "Watcher Wolvie"

And the fans went online and they all started cryin'
And the watery tears started swellin'
But then over the waves came a few who were brave
And they started all screamin' and yellin'
They had not taken kindly to what they did find
How would you like it if your ship sank?
There was nothing to do but complain through and through
And so there was the start of the wank

Well the wank has begun; it'll be lots of fun
To see what happens next to the fandom
Lots of people might leave 'cause they just can't believe
That the ships they were on were not canon
The legend lives on from Livejournal on down
The flames growing hotter and hotter
But if ask me, then too much OTP
Caused the wank of the fleet Harry Potter

(Names of ships taken from the Master Registry at
http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4591)

[Will Frank]

Post by Will Frank
But if ask me, then too much OTP

But the way that I see it, too much OTP

[Lee Gold]

Post by Will Frank
Well the wank has begun; it'll be lots of fun
To see what happens next to the fandom
Lots of people might leave 'cause they just can't believe
That the ships they were on were not canon
The legend lives on from Livejournal on down
The flames growing hotter and hotter
But if ask me, then too much OTP
Caused the wank of the fleet Harry Potter

Urr, would you define "wank" please
The definition I'm most familair with should be
on alt.music.filk (where the bawdy stuff goes)
but that doesn't seem to be what you mean here.

--Lee

[Will Frank]

Post by Lee Gold

Post by Will Frank
Caused the wank of the fleet Harry Potter

Urr, would you define "wank" please
The definition I'm most familair with should be
on alt.music.filk (where the bawdy stuff goes)
but that doesn't seem to be what you mean here.

"Wank" in this context means interpersonal drama arising from fandom
conflicts. With the release of the latest Harry Potter a lot of people
were upset by the relationships in the book and the fact that their own
choice of "ship" was no longer possibly canon. So, they began to
complain and argue...hence, wank.

[Joel Polowin]

Post by Lee Gold
Urr, would you define "wank" please
The definition I'm most familair with should be
on alt.music.filk (where the bawdy stuff goes)
but that doesn't seem to be what you mean here.

Presumably "fanwank", an attempt to reconcile apparent errors or
inconsistencies in a plot within the context of the work, rather
than assuming that the people responsible made a mistake. "Well,
the reason that latinum is liquid in _Enterprise_ but appears to
be a solid in all other Trek series is..." In this case, the term
appears to be referring to attempts to reconcile what's shown in
the new Potter book with the relationships that have been appearing
in fanfic. "Oh, sure, Ginny's hanging around with Harry, but that's
just to try to make Hermione jealous."

[Will Frank]

Post by Will Frank
"Fang And Flora" and old "Watcher Wolvie"

Er, that should be "Wotcher Wolvie." You can tell I did this without
full focus.

[Will Frank]

Post by Will Frank
Well, the sixth Harry Potter book came out, and with it about a dozen
ships died. This is my tribute--after some spoiler space, of course.

And I seem to have done the insane, and recorded myself singing it.

I don't know from where I got the courage.

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~wmfrank/music/Wank.mp3