New filk: Hallowe'en

[Arthur T.]

Title: Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard

Death knells ring in the gloaming
It's the time ghosts are roaming
We walk and we pray we'll make it away
Hallowe'en's an unsafe, eerie time

Past the death of the sunlight
Maybe we aught to run right
To safety somewhere
Before we despair
Hallowe'en's an unsafe, eerie time

In the road ahead we see a creature
And behind us there's another one
They might be dispelled if there's a preacher
But there's none here so we will have to run

As the night time continues
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

My lyrics copyright 2023 by Arthur Tansky. License granted for
non-commercial, non-political archiving and performance as long as:
1. copyright notice is maintained, and
2. no money changes hands.

[Lee Gold XP]

Post by Arthur T.
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continues
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

I don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.

How about --

As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

--Lee

[Arthur T.]

Post by Lee Gold XP

Post by Arthur T.
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continues
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

I don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
of yours vs:

As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

[Lee Gold XP]

Post by Arthur T.

Post by Lee Gold XP

Post by Arthur T.
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continues
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

I don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

Post by Lee Gold XP
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

Your new couplet rhymes better, but
a) the full moon in the midheaven means it much brighter (and so less
scary) scene
b) "nigh" (or "nigher") bothers me because it's so out of date.

How about....

My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

--Lee

[Arthur T.]

Post by Lee Gold XP
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

Or...

As they come even nearer
And our danger grows clearer

And, if not, I think this would be a good time to close out the
changes and go back to your first fix:

As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

[Lee Gold XP]

Post by Arthur T.

Post by Lee Gold XP
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

Or...
As they come even nearer
And our danger grows clearer

YES! That's lovely.

--Lee

Post by Arthur T.
And, if not, I think this would be a good time to close out the
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

[Tim Merrigan]

Post by Lee Gold XP

Post by Arthur T.

Post by Lee Gold XP

Post by Arthur T.
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard
As the night time continues
We are cornered and we'll lose
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"

I don't like the rhyme of the first two lines of this stanza.
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

Post by Lee Gold XP
How about --
As the night sky grows blacker,
We are trapped by our trackers

That is undoubtedly better than what I wrote. OTOH, what do you think
As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

Your new couplet rhymes better, but
a) the full moon in the midheaven means it much brighter (and so less
scary) scene
b) "nigh" (or "nigher") bothers me because it's so out of date.
How about....
My old flashlight is dying
Something near me is crying
They pull of their masks
And one of them asks
"Isn't this a fun and eerie time?"
--Lee

I don't have any contribution as to which rhymes are better, but would
point out that whether a bright full moon or a dark moon was scarier
would depend on context. Are they more afraid of being seen, or of
not seeing?

[Arthur T.]

Post by Tim Merrigan

Post by Lee Gold XP

Post by Arthur T.

Post by Arthur T.
Hallowe'en
ttto: Winter Wonderland by Dick Smith & Felix Bernard

As the full moon gets higher
And the creatures come nigher

Your new couplet rhymes better, but
a) the full moon in the midheaven means it much brighter (and so less
scary) scene
b) "nigh" (or "nigher") bothers me because it's so out of date.

I don't have any contribution as to which rhymes are better, but would
point out that whether a bright full moon or a dark moon was scarier
would depend on context. Are they more afraid of being seen, or of
not seeing?

Thanks for your support. It's now moot because we've agreed on better
replacement lines. But for completeness, here was my thinking.

In many cases the moon is considered spooky, regardless of position
or phase. Rising higher makes it more visible. And the full moon is
at its highest at midnight (the witching hour).