Discussion:
New filk: Filking Circle
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Arthur T.
2017-08-28 03:36:04 UTC
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A few comments: The verses have different scansions, especially
the last. I couldn't find a midi or karaoke version, so I had to try
to match this to a sung version (and the words); I might easily have
made mistakes. The 4th line of the chorus seems as though it should
have one more beat. But, when I added it ("the" before "well-known"),
it didn't seem right; you may opine.

Title: Filking Circle
ttto: Circle Game by Joni Mitchell

When you're new it can be disconcerting:
"How'd I get inside this circle, now?"
Others, though, encourage by asserting,
"It's not so hard and we will show you how."

And the music flows from chair to chair.
It's the filk community's way to share.
We sing and then we listen till our turn.
There is delight in well-known songs,
And joy that new ones bring.
Song goes round and round and round in the bardic ring.

When the circle starts to seem inviting,
You play, not just meekly pick or pass.
Singing, you might notice, is exciting,
And the way the crowd reacts can be a blast.

And the music flows from tongue to tongue,
And its beauty isn't just how it's sung.
We sing and then we listen till our turn.
There is delight in well-known songs,
And joy that new ones bring.
Song goes round and round and round in the bardic ring.

For the chorus, sometimes all are singing.
All enjoy these chances to unite.
I can't tell you how much pleasure this is bringing.
Everyone reflecting in each other's light.

And the music flows from throat to throat:
A communion based on the songs we wrote.
We sing and then we listen till our turn.
There is delight in well-known songs,
And joy that new ones bring.
Song goes round and round and round in the bardic ring.

Now at circle you see someone new and nervous,
And you find yourself the one who's stepping in.
You assure them; ask, "Can I do you some service?"
You recognize that they are where you'd been.

And the music flows from mind to mind
In a small room, yet it is unconfined.
We sing and then we listen till our turn.
There is delight in well-known songs,
And joy that new ones bring.
Song goes round and round and round in the bardic ring.

And the music flows from all to all.
It is everywhere, not just in this hall.
Our songs go out, accrue more songs in turn.
Let all delight in well-known songs,
Have joy that new ones bring.
Song goes round and round and round everywhere you sing.
Love goes round and round and round everywhere you sing.

My lyrics copyright 2017 by Arthur Tansky. License granted for
non-commercial, non-political archiving and performance as long as:
1. copyright notice is maintained, and
2. no money changes hands.
--
Arthur T. - ar23hur "at" pobox "dot" com

Guessing a lyricist's opinions from his songs is as futile as
guessing an author's opinions from his novels.
Mark Mandel
2017-08-28 17:54:01 UTC
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Oh, I love "The Circle Game", and I love this filk of it.

The original's scansion is loose, but in the recordings I've heard (Joni Mitchell, but the one that's my headcanon is Ian & Sylvia's) the singers move through it comfortably and naturally, with almost conversational ease. A couple of suggestions:


• You play, not just meekly pick or pass.
-> You play instead of meekly pick or pass.
This scans better.
• Everyone reflecting in each other's light.
-> Everyone reflected in each other's light.
"Reflecting in" strikes me as strange and uninterpretable. Is this what you meant?
I don't have any trouble with
"There is delight in well-known songs"
("and", though written in the next line, completes the measure):

(rest) there is de,LIGHT IN, WELL-KNOWN, SONGS AND |

is one measure of 4/4 time. UPPERCASE syllables are eighth-notes, lowercase are sixteenths, and commas separate quarter-note durations.

Harmonizing regards,
Mark
Lee Gold XP
2017-08-28 19:35:20 UTC
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Post by Mark Mandel
Oh, I love "The Circle Game", and I love this filk of it.
Can you find a URL of Joni singing it?

I've heard it sung on WONDER YEARS
and I've heard filks of it.

--Lee
Post by Mark Mandel
• You play, not just meekly pick or pass.
-> You play instead of meekly pick or pass.
This scans better.
• Everyone reflecting in each other's light.
-> Everyone reflected in each other's light.
"Reflecting in" strikes me as strange and uninterpretable. Is this what you meant?
I don't have any trouble with
"There is delight in well-known songs"
(rest) there is de,LIGHT IN, WELL-KNOWN, SONGS AND |
is one measure of 4/4 time. UPPERCASE syllables are eighth-notes, lowercase are sixteenths, and commas separate quarter-note durations.
Harmonizing regards,
Mark
Lee Gold XP
2017-08-28 19:38:20 UTC
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Post by Lee Gold XP
Post by Mark Mandel
Oh, I love "The Circle Game", and I love this filk of it.
The original's scansion is loose, but in the recordings I've heard
(Joni Mitchell, but the one that's my headcanon is Ian & Sylvia's) the
singers move through it comfortably and naturally, with almost
Can you find a URL of Joni singing it?
I've heard it sung on WONDER YEARS
and I've heard filks of it.
--Lee


--Lee
Arthur T.
2017-08-31 04:43:33 UTC
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In
I'm always open to suggestions. Thank you.
• You play, not just meekly pick or pass.
-> You play instead of meekly pick or pass.
This scans better.
This is the second verse, and the original line is:
Skated over ten clear frozen streams

That seems trochaic, with 4.5 feet. My original line would scan
as
YOU play, NOT just MEEKly PICK or PASS

Your line is more natural, but it's iambic with 5 feet. You
could get away with it, but I think I'll keep my line. My mind's ear
hears a strong beat on the first syllable, and I can't fit an
unstressed one in ahead of it.
• Everyone reflecting in each other's light.
-> Everyone reflected in each other's light.
"Reflecting in" strikes me as strange and uninterpretable. Is this what you meant?
Not quite. What I was trying to suggest was that everyone was
giving off light, but each person was also reflecting the light from
everyone else, thus intensifying it. What I sent was obviously not
what you received. If it weren't for the scansion problem, removing
"in" would be the obvious solution, but people might misunderstand
anyway.

I don't like "reflected in" because people are reflected in
mirrors, not in light(s).

So perhaps this would be better (rewritten 2nd line so as not to
have both joy and enjoy.):

For the chorus, sometimes all are singing.
All delight in chances to unite.
I can't tell you how much pleasure this is bringing.
It's a feedback loop of joy we have tonight.
I don't have any trouble with
"There is delight in well-known songs"
(rest) there is de,LIGHT IN, WELL-KNOWN, SONGS AND |
is one measure of 4/4 time. UPPERCASE syllables are eighth-notes, lowercase are sixteenths, and commas separate quarter-note durations.
I'm not sure I follow your reasoning, but I'll continue to try
figuring it out (as a way of making up for the music education I
didn't get). In the meantime, I'm glad that scansion works for you.
--
Arthur T. - ar23hur "at" pobox "dot" com
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